好累好累... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
TIRED~~~~
So feel that my life is like so being stalked... My life is like a book, opened up and everyone just knows what exactly is happening on every page (every day) of the story (my life)... ...
Then everyone will start discussing among themselves... Everyone will be checking up on this and that about me/my life... and i feel totally sick and tired... But since all of you knows what is going on, then dun ask me. Dun ever ask me... Its just too fake.
I just need my own privacy.
I want to go to a place where NOBODY knows me AT ALL..... I will never befriend any neighbours or colleagues... Just live my life alone... ALL BY MYSELF... And that will be true happiness....
Everything that had happened now... Is all my fault and I am fully aware. But why this mistake that I've made, caused me stress every now and then? It made me do things for the sake of other people and not myself. Facing whoever, I also feel the stress... I am like standing inside a shell, looking at what is happening to my life. Whatever that is happening now, I can only stand there and watch, no actions done at all. I can only say 'orh' to everything that I cannot answer, I can only nod or even keep quiet. Sometimes even keeping quiet, makes me stress. It seems like suddenly I dun even have the 注见 to even make decisions myself, seems lik decisions had been made and i jus nod/kept quiet and follow accordingly. I am screaming so hard, so loudly, so badly inside that shell and nobody can even hear me... NOBODY AT ALL.
Those who said who had understand doesn't understand a single thing at all. How I wish I really can talk to someone who truly understands... It seems like the only thing that can keep quiet while i say, while i type, is my blog, or to the air that i always wonder out loud to. No replies from them, but at least it makes me feel better... Crying out loud seems not to be working at all. After crying, may feel better for that moment but half a day later, its back to square one again.
After typing all these, I also dunno what I want. Sometimes... out of sudden I will feel so helpless. SO SO HELPLESS... Why am I feeling this way? Why?
And those who have a happy family, nice relatives/friends, healthy relationships with your other half, do not have to comment or tell me what to do, because U WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING ABOUT HOW I FEEL. Keep your comments to yourself, wait till it happens to you, use it on yourself. Thank U very much!
