9:17:22am: BB asked me, whether did C call me last night. Then everything start again. The thought of BB saying dun quarrel had been smashed into pieces. No more... BB says if he wants hell, he will give him but why do I feel that Im the one living in hell/getting hell instead? :( BB plead me not to turn this into a quarrel but it always take 2 hands to clap. :( BB kept asking if I asked C why he called me. I say I was online with customer. Quarrelling with him while online with customer is almost like hell. :( Then BB asked if I ened my call or not. This kind of quarrels is making me hate to be in a relationship - wondering to myself that being single is really better.
BB asked 'Can you in the first place dun do this to me'When both me & him is asking this question, then what had actually gone wrong?? :( BB wants me to tell C dun call me anymore. Wants ME to tell him myself. No matter how I dun feel like, I still chat C telling him 'dun call me anymore'. I feel like it is so not me, so not me at all. Normally last time, the things I dun wanna do, I will not do, if not I will scold ppl. :X But I cannot do this to BB, we will have a heated arguement again. Since BB wants me to do it, I will do. :)
9:42:28am: BB chat me, because I missed his 9.41am chat. I apologised to BB. He said 'dunno what u busy with'. If this goes on, we will quarrel again. If BB walk over and see my eyes red, he is going to scold me again. Sigh.. Quarrelling at work is really dreadful. When talking on the phone, my voice break. I feel so confined in a small roomwhere I had no where to go, no place to hide. :( Now its only 9.50am! Long way to go to end the day. So dreadful.
9:54:07am: BB asked me again whethere C replied. C did not.
I just couldn't stop crying. The thought of taking MC and go off to somewhere quiet, sit down & stone is getting stronger. :(
That kind of pain... is terrible. :(
Its really terrible until no matter how I think of the happy times we had, doesn't help at all.
10:03:56am: BB told me to ask C why he call me for. So I chat C to ask. :)
My nose is blocked, my head feel so pain once again. :( its terrible to have this so early in the morning :(
10:10:53am: BB asked if C has replied. C has not reply.
Finally I cried enough. :)

1.20pm: BB seemed to be angry again. :(
He chat me, I never reply coz I was talking to my colleagues, after my colleague left my desk, BB's reply is one word one word de. I dunno... It seems like every little thing I do/or did not do, will cased BB to get pissed/angry with me. Like nothing can be right at all. Sometimes really dunno what to do. I dun want to quarrel, I dun want somebody to get angry with me, but yet things seem to be out of control. Everything seem to make him angry. :(
Its is like we date to make ourselves more unhappy.. :(
I know, coz its all my fault again :(
I need to take my mind off all these and start to look for a house... Its time to move out of this place with mummy and brother. :( I need money...

Anyway thank you so much for the ppl who sms/email/msg me to cheer me up. Thanks Joe.. Thanks Lilian as well. :) Lilian's sms 'Hope u r strong to handle all kind of difficult case' THANK U THANK U, I will be strong. But sometimes had no choice but broke down :(








Was chatting with darling... so sweet of her, and i missed her lots!
Darling said:
*SUPER SQUEEZE HUGZ*
life is not easy for u...
jia you....
is tough for u...
dun cry...
is a path tat u choose..
b strong..
i'll alwayz b there for u...
jus give mi a call..
anytime..
anywhere...
oops...
1 day advance let mi noe..
den mi arrange my timing..
jus for u onli..
hahhahahha
dun do silly stuff huh...
u dun deserve tat path..

Darling, thank you so much. I know you had always find time/squeezed time out to accompany me. Esp this year, you had always try to accompany me, and I am very really thankful for that.. Really. Really very touched... Jan09 really left a scar on me, that period of time, you kept accompanying me, and I wasn't feeling very well physically, you took care of me, you accompanied me to the doc. And I am really thankful that. After feb09, after the death of **, you still constantly ask me out, hoping that I would take my mind off everything that saddens me. Thank you darling. I think never in my life I can thank you enough... If you weren't around at that time, maybe there is no more Vivian le. :) *muacks* i love you...