Another week of the dread... (its just 4 days past for this week)

I just reached home at 12.30am... Can't wait to talk to my blog... That is the only thing I can find comfort from I think... :(

Had some quarrels/unhappy with BB again.. why must this happen so often... so often that I know both of us cannot take it anymore... Think I will start looking for a new job and leave that place for good. too many unhappy memories there - a wrong choice. But come to think of the wonderful friends / colleagues I had there, maybe its worth it after all. BUT cannt stay for long :)

Me and BB had to quarrel about some minor things (i think is minor - but when situation reaches us, it doesn't seem so minor?) I feel why everytime is so unfair? Sometimes I late for our morning pantry trips, or late for lunch coz i was settling my stuff, settling customers, he seemed angry unhappy. Sometimes i missed his chat, he unhappy but he can miss my chat... Or shld I next time be unhappy when he missed my chat or msn?? I think Tuesday i missed his chat that i go over and bring breakfast for him, he seems unhappy. When i passed him the breakfast, he tell me to eat the biscuits, i say i dun want, coz i got sore throat. He angrily threw the biscuit one side, and show me a signal to ask me to leave. I was stunned/shocked. Would anyone treat a gf like this?? Unless he dun love her at all? Last time, I sweared that I will not let my bf/husband treat me like that. Anyone who wants to be together with me, have to pamper me. Treat me like shit then thats it. BYE BYE. But what happened to me now? I can't even prevent this thing from happening. Then we quarrelled about his bike -_- sigh.. It all happened at work again. SIAN!
And this thing is making me unhappy for this whole week.

Wednesday he was telling me he met his friend up for a talk, and his friend asked, gt gf and no gf what is the difference? He said 'no time'. I din want to start 'debating' with him about this but I was thinking, I feel I gt no time for myself, he feels that too. Then why nothing was done??? I dun want meet my bf eveyday, I need time for myself too. I din force him to meet me everyday. Its him who ask me, want go where and so on. N now he says he gt no time? I find it very weird... Maybe we should start to meet twice a week. Maybe things will get better. Or maybe not. :( The more we quarrelled, my love for him lessened. Comparing now to Nov-Dec08, indeed lessened by ALOT. Maybe thats also the reason why we are still quarrelling a lot? I've tried.. not to quarrel but still. :(
He said he tried to start the day well & good. but mornings are always very dreadful for me. Every morning (since yrs ago) i will leave my home angryily, slamming things here & there. So now early morning i have to meet him liao, so once he saw me, I have a black face, he din cheer me up, instead he demoralised and show a face, and quarrels will start from there.
Did a facebook quiz the other day but did not publish. 'Is he the one?' haha and the results is only 20% he is the one. I dare not even publish. For fear, we might quarrel again.

Just now, everything is still ok, until towards the end of the day we quarrelled/almost quarrelled again... I said if he is unhappy with me, dun send me home, I dun want to end up quarrelling at some places again. He said 'ok' turned and leave. So i went for a walk myself... sms friends, sit down and had a good thought of what had happened these few months. Things will definately be better if we remain as what we are in Sep 08.
He doesn't cherish me, and I know he feel that I din cherish him as well. I think we got together to make each other miserable.

I need to find a part time job... and also I need to find a full time job as well. haha! :p
I need to make life more miserable... Or maybe just that I need to find more things to occupy myself with at the same time earn more money.

I was sitting at some void decks just now, and I was so super thirsty, walked to Blk 108 thinking to buy drinks from the vending machine, and SO SWAY! the vending machine was removed -_- I just saw it a few days ago? So sian and so sway... Then I walked all the way back to eastpoint to get drinks, I was dying of thirst.

The other day a customer was telling me, "Vivian, dun TRUST GUYS, DUN!" I felt touched and almost cried. This is sth that my mum has been telling me since I was young. Thats why all these years (Since sec 4), I've been letting people down instead... And mummy knwo that even if i get married one day, i will get a divorce. I will always rmb her words... Deeply CRAVED into my heart and brain...

While blogging, was talking to xiaohan on msn... Missed her so much. I miss the times... The times when xiaohan, luanting were still here... Life wasn't as tired back then. Too many things happened these few months... and I feel tired... I need more friends , i need more people to cherish me. I shall look out for part times at pubs...

1.30am! I need to wake up at 5.30am! I shall start to be independent again!
Thanks baby blog... Felt so much better after crying and 'talking' to you.. MUACKZZZ...
Need to go bath... TATA Good night!